Dear Marian and Beth

Here we are in the Holiday Season. We just finished Chanukah and then comes Christmas and New Years. I sometimes find this time of the year difficult. It can be the best of times but also the worst. Why? I will try to explain. It’s because the pressure of what we think the holidays should be and how they actually turn out.

Chanukah

When I was a child, my grandfather would give us ten cents for Chanukah, that is all I remember. As an adult with my own children, life had definitely changed. Advertising had become an overwhelming part of everyday existence and the challenge for Jewish parents was to help their children cherish Chanukah and ignore Christmas. Did we succeed? I don’t think so.

All my children intermarried and again I thought my responsibility was to help my grandchildren feel close to Chanukah and Jewish life. So every year I brought a menorah for each family, candles for the eight days of celebration, and Chanukah gelt (chocolate money coins). Did it work? I have no idea because Christmas was an important holiday in each home.

Christmas

I remember the first time I went to my daughter’s house and saw the huge Christmas tree, decorated beautifully with presents all around it. My heart beat so fast, I had to sit down. I never said a word and for all the years following I saw the Christmas tree in each of my three children’s homes. After time, my heart beat normally, and I did not have to catch my breath. I also gave and received beautiful presents, it was fun and I was with family.

But I never looked directly at those Christmas trees.

New Years Eve

New Years Eve can be fun or a disaster. As a single person, I always wondered what would I be doing and with whom. It was no problem when I was involved with one of the men in my life. But alone, it could be heart wrenching.

Once I went out to dinner with a friend, she liked to eat early and so I was home by 9. Is this the way to spend New Years? She was furious when I would not do that in subsequent years.

Another time, I was home alone, saw a good movie on television, had a glass or two of wine, and went to bed early. But it didn’t work. I felt alone, very alone.

This year I am going out with friends, close friends, for a late dinner at a quiet hotel with soft music in the background. It should be fine, the “best” is something different at this stage of life.  We are all strong, healthy, and engaged in life and new achievements.

Happy New Year!